The Workings of our Hearts
Can I write a blogpost just sharing with you all what's been on my heart (and some of what's been on Alan's as well)?
Our work continues as usual. Of course we continue to ask for prayers for our contacts. A few of them are now studying the Bible more in depth (not just for the sake of learning English).
So here comes a handful of honesty. This is what's been on our hearts and some of it is just a sticky mess.
Being a missionary is hard, wonderful, confusing, rewarding, fun, different, and well just awesomely difficult at times. It's not a "real" job. In fact, we get that question a lot, "When are you guys going to come home and get real jobs? You know, grow up and join the real world." It's always a little discouraging when that question comes along. But we are reminded that even though this doesn't seem like a "real" job or a successful job by the world's standards, that it's still something that is important and that needs to be done. It is kind of counter cultural. We aren't setting ourselves up to be in a great financial situation or have an awesome retirement plan. We aren't planning our futures in that way or buying a house. But, to us those things aren't important. Why? We have no guarantee of the future (here on earth). We take each day as it comes, and we don't have to worry about those things because we know God has always taken care of us in the big and the little things.
Now, are we irresponsible? No, of course not! I wasn't saying all that to imply that we just throw caution to the wind. However, I would say our priorities are completely flip-flopped from what we were taught growing up in our culture. And that makes sense. After all, it does say that we are to be in the world but not of the world. (Romans 12:12)
Yeah, sure, we have have our moments of doubts. It's hard to go against everything your culture has taught you all of your life. At times we think, "Man, maybe we should get a "real job". We should be saving more money for our kids' futures or our retirement etc. Sometimes we look at each other after a difficult or just different day and say, "What on earth are we doing?" But the answer comes immediately after the question. We are trying to share the gospel with people here in Catania. That's what we are doing. So if that means having a strange schedule or if that means that "work" is often just spending time with people, then so be it. It's like that old saying they had on bulletin boards when we were kids, "Bloom where you're planted." This is where we are, and we are going to try to bloom here for as long as we are here.
And missionaries have it all together, right? Hah! I wish! We should! But if anything, this post will show you that we don't. And sometimes that's another doubt that arises. We are human. We make mistakes and guess what? Sometimes we it's hard for us to want to get up and "go to work." But, we work through it with God's help. Philippians 4:13 has been our motto, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And Paul! I could write a whole blog post on Paul. I love his example. We view Paul as this great missionary and great worker for Christ (and he was), but if you read about Paul you know he struggled (Romans 7). He wasn't perfect either, but God still used him.
Another thing that's been heavy on my heart is worry. I'm a worrier, but I'm slowly overcoming that with God's help. Just last week we got news from my doctor that I have a wound on my uterus, I'm losing some blood, and I have an infection in my womb. She's worried about the possibility of me going into preterm labor at any moment. Rest? No, rest has nothing to do with it. So I carry on my activities like nothing has happened and pray all my worries, fears, and cares into the hands of God. So far, I've only had one night (the night we found out) of intense worry. Since I've prayed about it that night though, I've felt a lot of freedom. It really is in God's hands, and if nothing happens then I didn't waste my time worrying, and if something happens I know that He will still take care of us.
Closely tied with worry is fear. It's another thing that creeps up on me once in a while. Right now it's fear of the unknown. Alan and I have started the adoption process. I mean, we just started...we are at the very beginning so we don't know if everything will go through. But, the questions already creep up..."Will we bond? How will it affect Davey? Will we be good parents to an older child even though we personally have no experience parenting an older child? Can we afford this?" And on and on they go. But, again, fear is like worry. We pray through all these questions and peace comes. We know that if it's God will for us to adopt a child, that he will provide the way and that he will give us the strength and patience to do this.
God's taking care of this crazy life we are living. He answers our doubts about our jobs as missionaries, he takes care of our worries, and gets rid of our fears. He provides. Seriously, in the big ways and the small ways.
You want to hear a weird example of how God provides? This month we had a surprise bill from our condominium. We pay a condominium fee each month (all the apartment buildings do this here). However, at the end of the year, the owners can just tack on a bill and say, "Oh, this is how much of our expenses that didn't get covered so you have to pay this up right now." The next day, we got our paycheck from Westside, and instead of the usual amount, there was a little bit extra. Do you know how much extra? The exact amount that we owe for this unexpected bill. How weird is that? How awesome is that, that God provided for us the exact amount we needed by placing on somebody's heart this last month to support us with a little extra money (and no, I'm sorry we don't know who because we get those reports at the end of the year of who contributed but if you're reading this, THANK YOU!).
Such a little thing, and not even something that we specifically prayed about, but God provided.
It's insane isn't it? How awesome our God is! How many examples there are in the Bible when he took care of people, listened to them even when they disobeyed, and forgave them when the sinned. He is a just but loving God, and even though I gave my life to him years ago, I daily choose to put my trust in him.
So no, we don't have it all figured out and our life has not gone at all the way we planned. In fact, the three things I clearly remember saying that I would never do, I've ended up doing (go to Harding, be a nurse, and teach English). So I'm sure there will be days when the doubts about if we should be doing this work arise, or when worry or fear try to overtake me, but I'll continue to commit my trust to God. We really could not be doing anything we are doing without Him.
To Him be the glory!
Our work continues as usual. Of course we continue to ask for prayers for our contacts. A few of them are now studying the Bible more in depth (not just for the sake of learning English).
So here comes a handful of honesty. This is what's been on our hearts and some of it is just a sticky mess.
Being a missionary is hard, wonderful, confusing, rewarding, fun, different, and well just awesomely difficult at times. It's not a "real" job. In fact, we get that question a lot, "When are you guys going to come home and get real jobs? You know, grow up and join the real world." It's always a little discouraging when that question comes along. But we are reminded that even though this doesn't seem like a "real" job or a successful job by the world's standards, that it's still something that is important and that needs to be done. It is kind of counter cultural. We aren't setting ourselves up to be in a great financial situation or have an awesome retirement plan. We aren't planning our futures in that way or buying a house. But, to us those things aren't important. Why? We have no guarantee of the future (here on earth). We take each day as it comes, and we don't have to worry about those things because we know God has always taken care of us in the big and the little things.
Now, are we irresponsible? No, of course not! I wasn't saying all that to imply that we just throw caution to the wind. However, I would say our priorities are completely flip-flopped from what we were taught growing up in our culture. And that makes sense. After all, it does say that we are to be in the world but not of the world. (Romans 12:12)
Yeah, sure, we have have our moments of doubts. It's hard to go against everything your culture has taught you all of your life. At times we think, "Man, maybe we should get a "real job". We should be saving more money for our kids' futures or our retirement etc. Sometimes we look at each other after a difficult or just different day and say, "What on earth are we doing?" But the answer comes immediately after the question. We are trying to share the gospel with people here in Catania. That's what we are doing. So if that means having a strange schedule or if that means that "work" is often just spending time with people, then so be it. It's like that old saying they had on bulletin boards when we were kids, "Bloom where you're planted." This is where we are, and we are going to try to bloom here for as long as we are here.
And missionaries have it all together, right? Hah! I wish! We should! But if anything, this post will show you that we don't. And sometimes that's another doubt that arises. We are human. We make mistakes and guess what? Sometimes we it's hard for us to want to get up and "go to work." But, we work through it with God's help. Philippians 4:13 has been our motto, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And Paul! I could write a whole blog post on Paul. I love his example. We view Paul as this great missionary and great worker for Christ (and he was), but if you read about Paul you know he struggled (Romans 7). He wasn't perfect either, but God still used him.
Another thing that's been heavy on my heart is worry. I'm a worrier, but I'm slowly overcoming that with God's help. Just last week we got news from my doctor that I have a wound on my uterus, I'm losing some blood, and I have an infection in my womb. She's worried about the possibility of me going into preterm labor at any moment. Rest? No, rest has nothing to do with it. So I carry on my activities like nothing has happened and pray all my worries, fears, and cares into the hands of God. So far, I've only had one night (the night we found out) of intense worry. Since I've prayed about it that night though, I've felt a lot of freedom. It really is in God's hands, and if nothing happens then I didn't waste my time worrying, and if something happens I know that He will still take care of us.
Closely tied with worry is fear. It's another thing that creeps up on me once in a while. Right now it's fear of the unknown. Alan and I have started the adoption process. I mean, we just started...we are at the very beginning so we don't know if everything will go through. But, the questions already creep up..."Will we bond? How will it affect Davey? Will we be good parents to an older child even though we personally have no experience parenting an older child? Can we afford this?" And on and on they go. But, again, fear is like worry. We pray through all these questions and peace comes. We know that if it's God will for us to adopt a child, that he will provide the way and that he will give us the strength and patience to do this.
God's taking care of this crazy life we are living. He answers our doubts about our jobs as missionaries, he takes care of our worries, and gets rid of our fears. He provides. Seriously, in the big ways and the small ways.
You want to hear a weird example of how God provides? This month we had a surprise bill from our condominium. We pay a condominium fee each month (all the apartment buildings do this here). However, at the end of the year, the owners can just tack on a bill and say, "Oh, this is how much of our expenses that didn't get covered so you have to pay this up right now." The next day, we got our paycheck from Westside, and instead of the usual amount, there was a little bit extra. Do you know how much extra? The exact amount that we owe for this unexpected bill. How weird is that? How awesome is that, that God provided for us the exact amount we needed by placing on somebody's heart this last month to support us with a little extra money (and no, I'm sorry we don't know who because we get those reports at the end of the year of who contributed but if you're reading this, THANK YOU!).
Such a little thing, and not even something that we specifically prayed about, but God provided.
It's insane isn't it? How awesome our God is! How many examples there are in the Bible when he took care of people, listened to them even when they disobeyed, and forgave them when the sinned. He is a just but loving God, and even though I gave my life to him years ago, I daily choose to put my trust in him.
So no, we don't have it all figured out and our life has not gone at all the way we planned. In fact, the three things I clearly remember saying that I would never do, I've ended up doing (go to Harding, be a nurse, and teach English). So I'm sure there will be days when the doubts about if we should be doing this work arise, or when worry or fear try to overtake me, but I'll continue to commit my trust to God. We really could not be doing anything we are doing without Him.
To Him be the glory!
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